Aunt demands 13-year-old niece's $500 backpack, one of 50 that she owns, starting rift in the family: '[She] thinks I'm being selfish'

Author image for Brad Dickson
Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Oct 28, 2024 12:00 PM EDT

There's a whole lot going on in this post that I really just can't quite wrap my head around and that's really difficult to un-pack (hah, get it.) So, let's start here: Why on earth does a 13-year-old need FIFTY backpacks? With a single bag alone costing $500. Also, why in the heck does a 13-year-old need their own influencer account?.. And just where in the heck are they storing all of these backpacks?

At the risk of sounding very "old man yelling at clouds" here… what is going on with parents and kids these days? Back in my school days, I used the same chunky black Jansport backpack for a good eight years. By the end of its lifespan, most of the zippers didn't even work, and there were chunks of fabric missing where those now-useless zippers had gotten stuck and needed to be cut out of the backpack in order to be freed. It was worn and thread-bare and was eventually retired out of necessity (and because it looked dorky as all-heck.)

Indoctrinating your children into a hyper-capitalist social-media-fueled binge-buying obsession probably isn't the best idea. It's hard to imagine that they'll grow up to have a balanced relationship with consumerism and financial responsibilities. I guess terrible parents have always existed, just now, they can broadcast themselves to an audience of millions.

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    Image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Image is for illustration only and subjects are models.

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    AITA for not giving away my child's rare backpack? My 13 year old daughter has been obsessed with loungefly backpacks for the last 3 years. Everyone has bought some for her. She probably has 50 or so and is constantly showing them off. She has a large following on instagram and TikTok showing off her bags. (I monitor her activities and help her post she does not even have access to the accounts on her her own)
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    My sister Stevie just started dating this man who has a daughter Zoey who is 15. Stevie has had financial issues due to her lifestyle habits. I believe her boyfriend is in the same boat but both are recovering. However Zoey has a birthday coming up and Stevie wanted me to give her one of my daughter's bags that she saw on instagram because it is Zoey's favorite character and the bag has been discontinued. She
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    showed me the price on ebay it's about $500 and Zoey really wants that bag. The thing is it was one of my daughter's first bags and she love that character. It's also my daughter's property and it's not like I can just give away her things.
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    I told her I would split the cost of a new bag for Zoey if that's what my sister wanted since she's short of funds but my sister insisted she should give Zoey the rare bag and put Zoey on my daughter TikTok. I told her the TikTok is my daughter's project and I'm not putting Zoey on it. I have this conversation with my youngest children who are 7 & 10. That their sister doesn't have to include them in the video if she doesn't want to.
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    My sister thinks I'm being selfish about the bag and not including Zoey on her "Famous TikToks" I told my sister she's being ridiculous and we have never even met Zoey and making these demands is ridiculous. My sister said I and my daughter are spoiled and bougie and she will never ask for my help again.
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    My mother understands and sided with my daughter and I so my sister made a big TikTok about cutting toxic family members off. It's kind of ridiculous of her and I'm not talking to her now and my mom told her that she needs to apologize for this. My sister acts like I'm bullying her and Zoey but again I have never even met the teenager.
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: I know my sister doesn't have the same money situation as I do and it's hard for her to find someone nice in her price range for Zoey
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    Professor Yaffle1 • 10h ago NTA. It's not your bag to give away. Your daughter hdoesn't know this girl, and she loves the bag and that character, so it seems unlikely that she would wish to give it away, especially to someone she doesn't know.
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    You were very genreous in your offer to split the cost to buy a bag so Zoey could have a bag of her own - obviosuly familiesvary but I would not. have thought that 'child of your sibling's a new boyfriend' is someone you would normally expect to buy giftsd for, other than perhaps a small gift if they are joining the wider family for christmas, or if you are invited to their birthday party.
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    Your sister is being greedy and entitled. If her relationship flourishes and yor daughter gets to know Zoey, then of course she may chose to include her on Insta or TikTk, bu it is bzarre to expect herto indluce a random person she's never met. Is your sister normally this unhinged or is this unusual for her?
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    Gi... 10h ago Edited 3h ago • • My sister said I and my daughter are spoiled and bougie and she will never ask for my help again.' Well then it's a win-win for you and your daughter. Your sister doesn't respect you or your daughter. So you just saved yourself half the cost of the backpack you offered to pay for. NTA.
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    . LawyerDad1981 9h ago. As dumbfounding as I find it for a kid (or anyone) to own FIFTY backpacks, your sister is obviously being both entitled and ridiculous. NTA. Where the do you STORE all of these?????
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    . Fearless_Spring... 10h ago • NTA. Stevie wants a $500 bag for her stepkid, Stevie needs to get $500 together herself.
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    Ducky818 9h ago • . NTA but your sister is a doozy of one. You are correct in that it is your daughter's property to do with as she pleases. Your sister can ask but needs to accept whatever answer she gets. She believes she is entitled to other people's things. She is not.
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    You are lucky if she doesn't contact you again if this is her behavior. She needs to earn to get what she wants. You are being MORE than generous by offering to contribute to an expensive purchase for a kid you don't. even know. You're better than I.
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    Yo-Kai WatchFan... • 10h ago • "It's also my daughter's property and it's not like I can just give away her things" OP you are right, it's not your things to give away it's your daughters things to give away if she wants to, if Stevie wants to buy a $500 bag for her daughter then she can do that.
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    NTA, OP, I think your sister has become an entitled parent, she's not entitled to your daughter's stuff, I would also keep an eye on her when she's around your house, entitled people usually have only two modes, what's beneath them and their own reflection, I get the feeling that if she is over at your house, she may attempt to steal your daughter's bag.
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    Also, when your sister says that she will never ask for your help again, I'd be like "oh, you promise?"
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    StrangerOnReddit . 10h ago • NTA. Yeah, insulting both you AND your daughter will magically make you want to give her the backpack.... The backpack belongs to Zoey. Just because they are family doesn't obligate Zoey to give them HER backpack. They can save up and buy their own.
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    so my sister made a big TikTok about cutting toxic family members off. oh, guess she's doing you a favor
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    TheFilthyDIL • 9h ago • NTA. Given the number of posts we see where parents have given away their children's stuff because "you're too old for that" or "I thought you didn't care about that anymore" or even "you have 49 other backpacks, don't be selfish!" I commend you for being a responsible parent who doesn't steal from your child!
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    aquavenatus • 9h ago NTA Please make sure neither your sister nor Zoey can access your daughter's belongings! I wouldn't put it past them to try to steal the bag!
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    KingsRansom79 9h ago • Sister: I'm never asking you for anything again and cutting toxic people out of my life. You: Don't threaten me with a good time. NTA
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    Aman_Syndai · 8h ago • NTA, Zoey will never see the backpack your sister & her new boyfriend are going to resell it. $500 is a lot of money for someone with lifestyle habits.
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    . diminishingpatie... 10h ago NTA. Absurd people love to be absurd. Engage with her as little as possible.
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    • Tinkerpro 9h ago make sure you lock your daughters things up tight. Wouldn't put it past your sister to steal what she wants. I'd also be telling my sister that name calling is not the way to get what she wants and perhaps she should learn to manage her money better so that she can afford the things she wants/needs. Oh, and you are happy for her not to ask you for help any longer. that is no skin off your nose
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    bamf1701 9h ago NTA. The backpack belongs to your daughter, so it's not yours to give away. Your sister's BF's kid is certainly not entitled to it just because she wants it, whether it is one of your daughter's favorites or not. And you don't have to split the cost for a bag for this kid just because your sister is throwing a tantrum. And this kid is certainly not entitled to be on your daughter's TikTok channel.
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    Your sister is being crazy entitled, probably because she is in the first glow of her relationship and wants to show off to her BF and the kid. Your sister needs to listen to your mother and stop acting like a love sick teenager and grow up.
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    GaimanitePkat . 1d ago. ESH. Your sister for her ridiculous request. You for allowing your children to fall into the hypercapitalist conspicuous consumption machine of social media. A thirteen year old child should not have a "large following" on social media. A seven year old does not need to be broadcasted to an audience of a million strangers.
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